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IMG_6881 Happy Dating 2020

Happy Dating 2020

 

Let’s not beat about the bush, dating again after a break up or loss of a loved one is very frightening. It can make you feel vulnerable, apprehensive, fearful, nervous and excited all at the same time. These emotions are not easy to manage, but we have some tips  to help you.

You don’t need to do anything you don’t feel ready for. This is about you and it can be difficult knowing when the time has come to start dating again. You may find that a lot of your friends, your family and even work colleagues are pushing you to get out there and meet someone, arranging things to introduce you to their single friends.  However, its ok not to be ready and there may be some of you that never want to date again. Remember it’s about you and you can be happy irrespective of how you choose your life to be.

Sometimes it’s so easy to put everybody else first - children, elderly parents, friends, work and as a consequence, although it would be very nice to meet somebody else, you just don’t have the energy to do it. It’s the classic case of “I just can’t be bothered”.  So, by keeping just a bit of that energy back for you, you can at least explore the possibility of meeting someone again.

We all have life experiences and we all know how these have made us feel on occasions, both good and bad.  You should use your life experiences as a benchmark for the choices you make going forward. Very often your bad encounters keep you away from the possibility of good ones, for the very simple reason you just don’t want to be hurt again. The truth is, you don’t have to be hurt again if you listen to yourself, become more self-aware and refuse to be drawn to ‘red flag people’ or ‘red flag situations’. You are the person who has ultimate control of you, not anybody else, so embrace it!

Don’t forget there is always our forum where we can assist each other with dating tips and stories.  It really helps to share experiences, we can all learn from each other.

So, when you go on a new date, accept that you are going to feel nervous, particularly if you haven’t dated for a while. You can use your nervousness to your advantage, as it will help you to realise where you are vulnerable and the things you need to work on, so that you can become more aware of your self-worth.

Fear of rejection is really common and may put you off even thinking about wanting to date again. Just remember that it takes two people to be mutually attracted to each other.  If the other person isn’t attracted to you, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, it just means that the other person isn’t right for you. Most people fear rejection, so you are not alone and don’t forget your date probably has the same fears as you.

To boost your confidence, you need to focus on all the things that you are capable of doing. Think about your positive relationships with others and how those friends value you as a person. It may help to write down your positives.

 If you have been hurt in the past, don’t try and make your date the person who is going to right the wrongs of the person who hurt you. It’s not their responsibility to do that, but yours to do everything you can to develop your own self-worth. It is understandable that your self-esteem may be a bit low, particularly after a difficult break up, so if you would like help with this particular aspect, then please contact us directly.

Make a list of the qualities that you admire in someone, alongside a list of characteristics that you would find really hard to tolerate. By doing this you are focussing your mind on the things that are important to you when about to start a new relationship. No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect either, it’s always a compromise. By making your list, it will help you to see what you are prepared to accept or not.

If trusting someone is an issue for you, the most important thing is that you can trust yourself. This can be really difficult, particularly if you have been cheated on.  It takes time to build trust with someone and it is right for you to be protective of your feelings, until that trust has been secured and you are sure.  Always listen to your gut feeling. Often relationships have failed as a result of trust issues. If this applies to you, please contact us as we can help you with this aspect.

If you are physically attracted to someone, you are more likely to compromise on the things that are not good for you. Really be aware of this.  It’s is easy to be drawn into a relationship even though your alarm bells are ringing, because the physical attraction is so strong.

Dress to impress you, not your date. When thinking about something to wear, choose something that you feel comfortable in, that you like and boosts your confidence. Don’t wear something that makes you feel self-conscious and it’s certainly not the time to be trying to walk in new high heels or a tight dress that you can’t breathe in!

Don’t drink too much alcohol, you need to stay in control of your thoughts and actions. Of course, a drink helps the nerves, but too much can lead you into situations where you are vulnerable, both mentally and at worst, physically.

For your own safety always choose a meeting place where there are other people around. Make sure you tell a friend or family member where you are going and how long you expect to be. If you can get a sense of the person you are about to meet, by building up a rapport on the phone or text, this can be an advantage.  As we always say, trust your gut instinct, it’s rarely wrong.

 

 

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